I've finally come to terms with the fact that those good ole' quarantine days are over. Some people really dread the idea of quarantine. The concept of being stuck with... oneself. Only you yourself and you.... I didn't quite know how I'd feel about it but being stuck in my sister's basement of her NJ house was quite relaxing and enjoyable. I completed the whole Anne with an E series on Netflix which was every bit worth it. Me myself and I time hasn't happened in 14 years since I had my first child. I loved every minute of waking up whenever I wanted to and eating at whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, and I loved catching up on my tasks rather than planning my children's.
After being out of quarantine for 3 weeks I wrote about... 2 blogs. When I started this blog during quarantine, I was averaging 2 blogs a day. So many banal thoughts would pop up in my mind daily. Now, I get up, barely brush my teeth by lunch time, and am lucky if I change out of my PJs thanks to Covid and its consequential painful online schooling. This afternoon a friend of mine dropped off her son for a playdate and with wide eyes exclaimed, "OMG, you worked out today? I mean you are wearing work out clothes!" I sheepishly replied, "Well, I try to change into work out clothes every morning then at about 9pm only to realize the change of clothes was in absolute vain!" Well, at least I got changed today.
I hate the concept of homeschooling. I know some moms live for this stuff. I've heard of tales of a group of moms who do this in NY.. Brooklyn somewhere, and those people out in the suburbs with 11 kids..
Now that I've been through it since Feb, I am asking myself this question all the time "some parents (I'm guessing mostly moms) take this upon themselves, and prefer this method of Mon- Friday torture?" I am very ashamed to admit this, but sometimes the only way for me to get my 9 yo boy to get a task completed was the good old smack on his hands or even on the shin method. If not, he would go on whining for hours until I just give up and walk away which is what I did eventually.
If you don't know your multiplication, you'll catch up eventually.. was my thinking.
I'm not gonna shout and fight over what you need to do to become a normal student in a normal school setting which is supposed to shape you into a decent, functional human being. I mean I learned English at the age of 11 with only 2 words in my vocab. Book and Hello. He's only 9, he can learn whatever he wants to later. This was my attitude by May.
It started all over again on Thurs, but this time with a slightly more parent friendly version of homeschooling. This time there is no more homework to be completed with the supervision of the parents after watching video lessons. This time around, the school has figured out a real time teaching method online, and the kids need to complete collaborative tasks together. Much better. Due to my painful memories of online schooling from the last term, I do NOT supervise Tayden. I have no idea what they are talking about and I don't give a hoot. I clean out his room, pay bills, get to work.... But I hear daddy's frustration building up. "Why aren't you doing your project?, Why are you playing a video game during your break?" The bad memories start to creep up on me. I don't want to go there myself. When daddy goes back to work next week, I will NOT be there to help him. He will need to figure it out by himself. He is 9 yo. He can do this.
Unlike many other parents I have encountered in HK, I consider myself a non helicopter parent. That said, I'll sign up Tayden for crazy number of sports activities because he needs and thrives on it. But academically, I'm pretty hands off. My high schooler doesn't share any of her school with me and I'm cool with that. When I offered to help, she will throw me out of her room. I think the fact that I immigrated to the US at age 11 has had a profound impact on me as a parent. My parents were not conventional immigrant parents. They were too busy with work and daily survival. And when my mom had time to make me snack while I was staying up late studying, she would always say, "go to bed now, your health is more important than grades" What crazy Korean mom says that? Most of them would be like "good job kiddo, keep studying and get those straight A's!" Nope, not my mom.
While it was extremely painful to start from scratch at the age of 11, I somehow stumbled through it and made it through school. To this day, I can't say I have mastered English since it's not my native language, but it is the language I feel the most comfortable speaking. However, Korean is still the language I can express my feelings most explicitly. I am not sure if it's the language itself that is more descriptive with subtle nuances... but there are some words in Korean that cannot be translated into English, I think even the concept of some of the words don't exist in western countries. That's why I get pissed when I read mistranslations in K dramas. The whole scene becomes lost of translation. I constantly re-translate in my head how I would have translated the phrase...it's a bit annoying.
One thing I can say that got my through those difficult years was my determination. My Korean friends spoke better English than I did and often had to tell the kids at the playground, "she doesn't understand you, but I can translate for you". Those were the most frustrating and embarrassing years. I worked incredibly hard. I remember a boy making fun of me while standing in line at the school cafeteria because I couldn't speak English. I punched him, and the attendant had to break us apart. I'm sure that boy did not expect a new petite Asian girl to put a fist to his face, but I did. And I think I cried afterward, not because I hit someone, but because the boy had made fun of me.
While those years were incredibly challenging and painful, I am pretty sure that's what allows me to be a laissez fair parent knowing that my kids will turn out ok... My middle schooler has received the Honor Roll awards for the past two years. Whenever I see her study in the wee hours, I tell her "go to sleep, it's late!". My 9 yo? I bought a karaoke machine, and now he has to read the words in order to sing. I have tried to guide his path rather than to bend his path to my will. We are their guide, not their master. Let them fly, but they have to craft and build their own wings with a bit of our help first.
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